Yesterday I posted about how Tim Thomas is an asshole for not going with his team to the White House to celebrate their Stanley Cup Championship, the first in Boston in 39 years. He didn’t decline the invitation because of a prior commitment, he was free and in D.C. at the time. He didn’t decline the invitation because he’s a convicted felon and isn’t allowed, like Delonte West. Instead, as only one two Americans on the team, he gave this statement: Continued…
“Hey Guys! My name is Tim Thomas, and I’m a cunt!”
That’s literally what Tim Thomas said to the USA, and the rest of the world for that matter, when he refused to visit the president based on reasons I honestly couldn’t tell you. Politics? Party? “The Fed is out of control“? I don’t know what bullshit he pulled out of his ass, but if you refuse to meet the President of the goddamn country you live in: Good riddance! Asshole. Even if his backup goalie was a literal piece of shit, a turd, I would rather take that over some asshole who thinks he is bigger than his team or his country for that matter. Luckily, his backup is Tuukka Rask, who has a better Goals Against Average (GAA) than Thomas this year. Continued…
There is seriously something wrong in the universe if you haven’t heard of Tenacious D, much less listened to them. I’m not even talking about their newer work or the movie that they did: I’m talking about their old school TV show and their first album, the self titled “Tenacious D”. Anyone who hasn’t listened to Tenacious D would surely make Fred upset and I don’t think he’d want to know who the person that inspired this post is, and for safety sake I will hide their identity. However, I can tell you that she currently sleeps with me and is Brianna… Shit. Moving on!
The entire first Tenacious D album is hilarious and is easily lovable, because it’s entirely based on the works they performed in The Tenacious D show. Here are some examples of their songs and the show: Continued…
Jesus Christ and Lord in heaven, what the hell is going on here?! People are madly in love with… inanimate objects? And they’re not just physically having sex with objects and it being a type of fetish… It’s serious, deep, intimate love with an object. My friend Persephone sent me this video and the most appropriate part about it is what’s on the YouTube page: No Description Available.
Yes, that’s a kid who is madly in love with a carnival ride. Yes, that’s a woman who is in love with a fence… and I do think she is being penetrated by it. These people are considered Objectum Sexuals and they’re Continued…
As I have learned recently, the government is trying to pass a law that will allow companies to use SOAP on the internet. Of course, this has made the internet quite furious and they completely oppose this idea. Here’s an example of images the internet has been sharing to say “Stop SOAP”:
Most people who scour the internet do so for hours, regularly downloading child pornography in between their stints on World of Warcraft or looking for a Skyrimjob. If it’s not child pornography, they’re photoshopping copywritten images to create unfunny and illegal “memes”, or illegally downloading the latest blockbuster films, instead of overpaying to see them in the theaters. What the government wants to do is give companies the right to use SOAP to clean the internet of this terrible, terrible filth and save the jobs of thousands of Americans.
Included in SOAP not only the shutting down of websites Continued…
Seeing the new look from Zooey Deschanel at the Golden Globes makes me realize more and more that I love her:
'Do and Tuxedo Nails
The newly single Zooey is rocking a vintage look and is a new age, nerdy version of Jackie O and I love her nails! Of course you can always keep up with the busy New Girl star by following her on Twitter and Tumblr (she updates both regularly!). Tune into all her shows and read more about what I think of Zooey with this simple directory: Joe’s Zooey Deschanel Directory.
A month ago I went out to see Dir En Grey at the Paradise and the only thing that annoyed me more than the 300 weeaboos that were swooning over a tiny little Asian man, were the countless amount of people using digital zoom on their phones. NEVER USE DIGITAL ZOOM, EVER! I’m going to give you a brief explanation as to why you should never in your life use digital zoom.
1. Digital Zoom is not Optical Zoom
Digital zoom is the digital zooming of a photo that results in ugly, noise induced, pixelated photos that no one likes. Optical zoom is a natural glass and light bending phenomenon that allows you to take perfectly clear photos from far away. If your camera has digital zoom only, such as the ones attached to every smartphone and includes my iPhone 4S, don’t use it! The only way to obtain an “optical zoom” with these cameras Continued…
Here are the three reasons the Patriots are going to win today’s game over the Broncos:
Tom Brady: He hasn’t won a playoff game in a few years now, he’s pissed and he wants to win more than anyone in the playoffs this year. He is going to pick apart the defense and even take off for runs if the field is open. 350+ Passing yards from Brady.
Bill Belichick: If Tom Brady hasn’t won a playoff game in forever, so hasn’t Bill and Bill is number 2 on the “Most Pissed Off Patriots” list. He’s going to plan an attack that will have Tebow worshiping to Allah, Shiva and whatever god he can pray to to stop the assault.
The Run Game: In between picking the defense apart for 8-14 yards a swing, expect the Patriots to use the run game to trick the Broncos, especially with Aaron Hernandez.
Here are the three reasons the Broncos are going to lose today’s game:
Hey guys! Heidi wanted to drop in and do a guest blog about our oldest dog Hannah and about her unfortunate passing this past year. Just a heads up for you: Heidi absolutely loves to use the “Enter” key, you’ll see. Well, here’s Heidi and her post “Hannah Had A Birthday Party”
Yes, this blog is about Hannah. Shut up. She was old.
Hannah was born January 7th, 1995. The first time I held her, she was a squirmy little puppy. The first time she walked on carpet in my Nana’s house, she peed on it. She failed crate training. She did no tricks.
She was a boring dog, but she was pretty. She posed for the camera, as if she was born to look at it.
She coped with loss, as her buddy Bear was tragically hit by a car on Dec. 23rd, 1999 and he passed 5 hours later, on Christmas Eve.
She ruefully ignored the little puppy, Hunzie, for 2 solid weeks in 2000. After those two weeks, she was cuddling up to him. Continued…
blog.joerenken.com was created by Joe Renken (pictured below) and his best friend Fred in June of 2010. Joe writes a daily post ranging from informational posts to rants, current events and even a few short stories. It is highly recommended that you take Joe’s stories with a grain of salt. Joe’s Friends have been featured [...]more →
